238: Fun, Flow, and Feelings

You’re listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, episode number 238. We’re talking about three F’s today, fun, and flow, and feelings. Stay tuned.

Hi, I'm Jen Riday. This podcast is for women who want to feel more vibrant, happy, aligned, and alive. You'll gain the emotional, physical, and spiritual tools you need to get your sparkle back and ensure that depression, anxiety, and struggle don't rule your life. Welcome to the Vibrant Happy Women Podcast.

Hey my friends. I am struggling today. Something has me down. I’ve survived all of COVID so far, all the things happening, we’re moving up to the election. Things can feel hairy.

Speaking of hair, let me tell you what has me down today. It’s my husband’s COVID beard, the thing is like Duck Dynasty level. If you were to comb out the sides they would stand four inches past his skin on the sides, not to mention the chin that is bleeding into his chest hair. You get the idea.

But then I have to step back and realize by my own definition of boundaries, I am in charge of my thoughts, feelings and actions and not in charge of the thoughts, feelings and actions of others but I still don’t like it. What can I control? I don’t have to kiss it. I don’t have to kiss it. Judge me if you want but I have a real issue with his beard right now. I’ll let you know in the future if it ever comes off. But from the sounds of it he has the idea of keeping it forever. I’m grieving you guys, because his jawline is chiseled and his lips are stunning and now they’re all covered, my favorite features.

Okay, well, jokes aside, I’m not joking, I am grieving the loss of my husband’s beautiful face underneath the hairy mess. Jokes aside, we all have things that are bugging us right now, virtual schooling. COVID masks, I still wear mine faithfully, don’t get me wrong, but some things related to COVID start to get irritating after a while, don’t you think?

The election is coming in the United States. The seasons are changing. Little things start to rub you the wrong way, don’t they? So for the next several weeks I want to focus on the things we can control.

And I’ve decided to focus on three of those things, the three F’s: fun, and flow, and feelings. What do I mean by that? Well, let’s talk first about fun. Fun is easy when we’re kids. We have this carefree life, we can play. My own kids are always playing out with the cats and they sometimes see the neighbors and they swing together. Play is easy when you’re a kid.

I remember when I was a kid. I have some memories of play. I want to share a few of those. Well, first of all, we used to play house a lot. We would make mud pies in our corn crib on the farm. We had a little wooden slat and we played for hours out there, building our own little house.

I once built a real little house out of logs, fence posts, wooden fence posts. I dragged them clear across my parents’ yard, stacked them up log cabin style and thought I was so cool, but my mom walked by and said, “You need to put those away when you’re done.” And I thought, oh, all the work. For play was easy, putting it back not so easy. We had a tree house when I was a kid, played a lot of pirate games in there. We would ride the pigs for fun. We went roller skating.

Now, as I became a little bit older, age eight, I started to drive on the farm. I know, those of you who grew up in cities, yeah, this is a normal thing on a farm. So probably at about age 10, I took my parents brand new Ford Zephyr station wagon, it was a beautiful blue color, kind of a trendy blue for the time, and drove around in the field with my brother Josh.

And if you know anything about fields, farmers plant them in rows. So if you were to drive down the rows it’s a pretty smooth ride. Well, I thought it would be cool to drive across the rows and bounce the car around. And we had a great time my brother and I, laughing, bouncing the car all over. My parents knew we were doing it. Well, we drove home, parked the car, shut it off. And my dad came out and said, “What happened to the muffler?” I’m like, “What do you mean?” He said, “You didn’t hear how loud it sounds?”

Sure enough, all that bouncing, we’d left the muffler in the field. So funny, but we had a blast. Now, with that same car, one more story. This is the fun Jen, the real fun Jen of the past. Anyone who knows me, where I grew up, Fontanelle, Iowa, they would even call me the crazy Jen. I have simmered down.

One time after school I only had my permit. So in Iowa in rural areas if you have a permit and you’re 15½, you can drive to and from school in your car without a license. Well, this particular day I loaded up the back of that station wagon with friends, boys, girls, and I said, “Watch this.” I knew about an alley that had a very high point where it crossed a sidewalk. So, reckless, that’s what I was, reckless.

I started at one end of that alley and got the car going probably 45 miles an hour and we ramped off this raised portion of the sidewalk right in front of the general store where my mom was pumping gas. She saw the whole thing. The car was airborne, all these kids in the car hit their heads on the roof, it slammed down and on we went through the rest of the alley. This was not a rare occurrence. So, that’s crazy Jen, painting that picture, fun Jen, lots of fun.

Fast forward I became a mom, a responsible mom and all of my focus of fun centered around my kids. Let’s schedule a play date. Shall we go to a park? That’s such a fun toy. Shall we play with it together? You know the drill. We moms sacrifice so much for ourselves to have fun. We create fun for our kids that we forget what it means to have fun for ourselves. There’s a lot of shoulds, have to’s and good moms ruling our decision making. A good mom reads stories to her kids every night. A good mom should set up lots of play dates. I have to keep this house clean or else I’m a bad mom.

You hear those shoulds and have to’s. Well, you know the story, I burned out. It probably didn’t help that I had five kids by the time I burned out, and a sixth later. That didn’t feel very good. You know the drill. You feel empty, and lonely, and something’s missing, and what happened to creativity, and fun, and friends? So I put myself back on the front burner and started to go to book club. I started to go to yoga, what heavenly bliss that was. I became a coach. I started my business and my podcast. And suddenly I realized one day, what happened to all those shoulds?

A good mom should read to her kids. Yeah, that’s true. A good mom should sacrifice herself. No, it wasn’t true anymore, everything I did was a want to instead of a have to or a should, pretty cool, right? And my focus shifted from being a good mom to being a good person because I realized my kids were watching. And if I wasn’t a happy person, it didn’t matter what kind of a mom I was if I couldn’t even show them what it meant to be a happy person.

Now, let’s fast forward again to this pandemic. What have you been feeling? Have you been having any fun, virtual schooling, worried about giving your kids too much screen time? The shoulds, and the have to’s, and the good mom stuff is kind of back, isn’t it, that guilty feeling? But let me ask you. What is it you want? If you’re like me you want some family TV time. That’s easy, doesn’t require a lot of preparation. Maybe some walks, maybe you’ve gardened this summer and you want Halloween, whatever it is.

I want to invite you to join me over the next several weeks in the Vibrant Happy Women Club where we will be focusing on fun, flow and feelings. Now, I’ve only told you about the fun part. What if over the next several weeks, every day, you did one fun thing?

Now, let mention the flow. Flow is the act of being so engrossed in the moment, mindfulness essentially, so engrossed in the moment that you’re not worried about the past or the future. It’s a state of juicy presence, and even a sense of fun that makes the present moment everything. You don’t need anything else. What if every day you were to have some moments of fun and be in a state of flow, as if everything is right in the universe, right in this moment?

Now, what about feelings, feelings come up, I think the biggest thing that prevents us from having fun or being in that state of focused, mindful flow is feelings of uncertainty. What’s going to happen at the election? What’s happening with COVID? What’s happening financially? What’s happening with virtual schooling? All these things create so much uncertainty that we can feel uncomfortable, afraid, sad, lonely, all the feelings come up.

So the third and final thing I’d like to do for the next month, and we’re doing this in the club is to focus on our feelings. Feel it to heal it is one of my favorite tools that I teach. It’s the perfect tool if you are burned out, and overwhelmed, and ready to get off that hamster wheel and find your happiest self again. Even during a pandemic, because I hate to break it to you, this thing isn’t going anywhere for a while. New studies are showing, new comments from experts are saying that even when the vaccine is out we’ll probably still be wearing masks and social distancing.

So I don’t know about you, but I am done being on hold, even with a mask I’m going to have more fun, more flow and feel my feelings so I can have even more fun and more states of flow. What are some ideas? Maybe you’re going to create a time capsule. Maybe you’ll buy some sidewalk chalk and one day you just do chalk on the driveway. How about a scavenger hunt, a campfire?

Get some cats. We have four of them living in our garage right now because I’m allergic. But we’re always out listening to cats. What about an obstacle course, or street hockey, a picnic, a drive-in movie? The ideas are endless.

So I’d like to invite you to join us in the Vibrant Happy Women Club before October 8^th. That is the last day it will be open for the remainder of this year. And I want you to be with us. We’re going to have fun, and flow, and feel our feelings; the three F’s every day. We’re going to live in the moment, let go of fear, guilt, worry, loneliness and come back to mindful flow, being in that present moment and finding true joy every day.

You can join us at jenriday.com/club. We’d love to have you. And then on October 8^th the doors will close for the rest of the year. And when it opens again in 2021 the price will be higher. We have some things in the works that I can’t wait to tell you about. But if you get in now before October 8^th, you’ll not only get to join us for the fun, flow and feelings, but you’ll be in for good and you’ll keep that price forever, grandfathered in forever. As long as you’re with us in the club you’ll keep the current price so it’s a great time to join us.

Now, I’m going to leave you with a moment of feeling your feelings. Put your hand on your heart. Tell me what are you feeling right now? Well, you can’t really tell me, but think it in your mind. Maybe you’re feeling excited about a month of fun. I know I am. I’m going to be posting pictures in our private club Facebook group about all the fun things I’m doing. Maybe I’m going to secretly shave my husband’s beard in the night. That sounds so fun. I can’t do it. That would be really a bad violation. But I want to, guys, I want to.

What are you feeling, though, right now? Are you feeling worried about something? We’re going to feel these feelings together and learn how to move through them, move that energy through so we can return to fun and flow, mindfulness in the moment, having fun in little bits and bursts that don’t require all our time and energy, just a month of joy. Definitely join us.

I am so grateful you listened. Thank you for being a listener. Stay tuned to hear what happens with the saga of the beard. I also am wondering. Thank you for listening and I’ll see you again soon. Until then, make it a vibrant and happy week. Take care.

If you enjoy this podcast, you have to check out the Vibrant Happy Women Club. It’s my monthly group coaching program where we take all this material to the next level and to get you the results that will blow your mind. Join me in the Vibrant Happy Women Club at jenriday.com/join.