83 Transcript: Claim Your Feminine Power (with Mastin Kipp)
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J: You're listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, episode number 83.
M: There's absolutely nothing wrong with making the decision to choose yourself. In fact, it's the necessary leap that has to be made to make sure that we teach the next generation of women what true emotional empowerment looks like.
Intro: Welcome to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast, stories of vibrant women living happy lives. And now, your host, Jen Riday.
J: Welcome everyone, Jen Riday here and I'm so glad you're listening because we're creating pockets of light all around this world. This is the Vibrant Happy Women movement and I've been thinking a lot lately about some of the sadness in politics and the natural disasters and it can really suck you down, and that's why we have to strive together as Vibrant Happy Women to make this world happier. And I'm so glad to be a part of it and that you're a part of that movement as well. Time Mastery for Women is open for enrollment and this is the place to be if you want to figure out what's important to you and what's not important and to let go of those things that are important. Our to-do lists can be miles long and we end up feeling frazzled and overwhelmed and out of balance, and I believe that's not how we're supposed to be living. We deserve to have lives that feel meaningful and fulfilling and balanced and happy. Time Mastery for Women is a 4 week online program that will help you learn how to do just that. You’ll learn how to shift your mindset, you learn how to put in all the pieces of a clear and easy time management system so that you have more time for what you love. You'll learn how to identify your priorities and what's truly important to you so you're sure that you're working on leaving the legacy you want to leave and being the person you want to be remembered as. I remember before I develop Time Mastery for Women, I realized one day, my kids were going to remember me as grumpy and exhausted, and that wasn't the legacy I wanted to leave. So I developed this system over a period of years to get organized, to make sure I'm doing what's important, spending that precious time with my kids and my spouse and loving it. So I want to invite you to join me. Enrollment closes soon and you can find out more at timemasteryforwomen.com.
On the last Vibrant Happy Women episode, I spoke with Robin Openshaw all about living a high vibration life, living energetically in alignment so that you feel amazing. She had so many great tips, I was really impressed, and whatever she's doing is working for her because she has so much clarity and intelligence about this topic; I was super impressed. So if you haven't listened to that one, go back and do so at jenriday.com/82. And today, without further ado, let me introduce the vibrant happy man I'll be talking with today. Let's go ahead and jump in.
Mastin Kipp is my guest today and he's an American entrepreneur, bestselling author and renowned public speaker. Mastin is the creator of Functional Life Coaching; an innovative, unique and accelerated approach to creating lasting personal and business change. Well, Mastin, welcome. You are the first male to ever be on Vibrant Happy Women, I'm so glad you're here.
M: Hello and it is an honor and I'm going to do my best to represent our gender well.
[Laughter]
J: I know I was saying this to you before we started recording, but when I presented this idea to the people in our Vibrant Happy Women Facebook group and I said, “I'm thinking about having a man on the show, what do you think?” and as soon as I told them it was you, everyone said, “Yes, yes, you've got to have him!” So I'm so glad you’re here.
M: That’s awesome!
J: Yeah.
M: What an honor! Thank you so much; that's awesome.
J: Well, we always start off with a favorite quote, and what is a quote you'd like to share with us today?
M: I think my all-time probably favorite quote comes from Jesus.
J: Mm-hmm.
M: And it's very simple, “Not mine, but thy will be done.”
J: Mmm!
M: I think that's probably one of the most profound, most impactful, simplest prayers and he demonstrated that in the Garden of Gethsemane before he was crucified. And it’s very symbolic; the idea of humbling down your will to serve a higher cause. I think it's something that I always have a top of my mind.
J: I'm totally intrigued. I love that scripture and now you're sharing it as a favorite quote, which has never happened before. So how do you apply that in your life?
M: Sure. Well, I think, you know, I caught myself a recovering Christian or a Christian mystic, meaning that I believe in all walks of… I think truth is truth is truth no matter what you call it. And I think, a lot of times, religion gets in the way of trying to connect to a higher power. But, that being said, just because there are people who for whatever reason are embodying that the ideals of spiritual teachers, doesn't mean that we shouldn't still listen to spiritual teachers. And certainly, Jesus had some great things to say. And I think that ultimately, you know, you look at the Garden of Gethsemane moments, one of my favorite moments all spiritual text stories, you name it. It's a really beautiful time because there's this person who is doing such great works in the world and has understanding that, you know, “Hey, I'm standing for something that I believe in, to the point where I'll die for it.” And I think that that's a really amazing thing because, a lot of times, we think that the things that we want will kill us, which is ironic; which we can get into that, but typically people think success will kill you. And so it's sort of being willing to die, not necessarily literally, but metaphorically, I think is a really amazing thing. Because when you lay your life on the line with faith to go after your purpose and go after your dreams, go do the things that matter most, you know, things aren’t going to work out the way that you want them to; they will work out better, but the goal, I think, consistently if you want to step into your purpose, which i think is probably the most important thing you can do in your life, is to consistently get out of your own way and pay attention to the signs that are coming. And I know that as a mother of 6, you know, I'm talking about.
J: (Laughs)
M: I know that you're big on following intuition so I know that you know what I mean.
J: Mm-hmm.
M: And so it's about getting out of that survival mindset, that fight-or-flight mindset, and into that more intuitive mindset which, you know, it's illogical, makes no, you know, sense on the surface, and typically follow your intuition is scary (Laughs). So, you know… but that's how great things, you know, come to be and that's how this amazing podcast came to be and the impact that you're making; and same thing with me. Like, when you follow that path and that pattern, you give up things that you thought you want and you step into life that is way better you could possibly imagine. But you’ve got to go through some hard times to get there typically.
J: Oh, this is going to be fun conversation; I'm feeling it already. (Laughs)
M: Yeah!
J: So I know I'm called to do what I'm doing through that intuitive power. So can you tell us your story? How do you know you're called to do what you're doing?
M: Well, it usually starts with things not going so well for you. (Laughs)
J: Right, it's true.
M: And typically, depending on how stubborn you are, I was someone who hit rock bottom and said, “This shovel is not working. Give me a mechanical drill or something so I can go deeper.”
J: (Laughs)
M: I didn't want to, you know, surrender. I had my own idea about what my life should be. So I think you tend to meet God on your knees. And, you know, you see this, you know, in the Garden of Gethsemane, you see this in ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ in the bathroom scene, you see this Huffington, you know, hitting your head and, you know, waking over the pool of her own blood. Like, you see these moments of like the down times. And those are typically the times when you ponder and those are the times where you start to say “Hey, something's not working,” and you tend to seek out information and you have to realize like, “Wait a minute, I kind of knew that all along.” And as you start to, you know, feel your way into it, I think that ultimately your purpose it's something to be lived and it's a question to live. I can get into like what your purpose is and definition of it, but, you know, living it is an experience that's day-to-day. And I think primarily, if you want to focus on what you're being called to do, I think there's sort of like a Venn diagram. If you could think about like a problem that you would fall in love to solve, like what would you love to solve? And if you kind of link that up with like what you just sort of naturally do, like the things that come easy to you, you're going to be in the zone. Because I think the idea of like finding your passion is a little self-centered, I think it's more about finding a craftsman mindset of like, “What can I create and what problems can I solve? And what… how can I do it in a way the lines up with what I love to do?” I think that's when you step into your calling. And typically, it makes no sense and it's scary, but there feels like an inside nudge that's like, “You should go for it,” and, you know, it's a heart centered yes. And typically, you probably felt this way before and every time you haven't followed it, you've experienced paint and probably in romantic relationships and business dealings, stuff like that. So the more obedient you can be, I think the better things will work out, especially if you have that craftsman mindset.
J: Well, that's great. Well, let's talk about your low point and what you learned there and, you know, what problem you decided to solve. (Laughs)
M: So many! There is definitely one low point that was the lowest of the low, I call it ‘the week of my divine storm’, where…
J: Hmm.
M: … you know, there's typical other words that people would use to describe moments when life is like going well for you and euphemisms like divine storm, but I really do believe that it was a divine storm, meaning, I was being redirected. But within one week, you know, I started a business, I quit my job started business and the business crumbled. My partner left, there was a betrayal there. The girl that I was dating left, my roommate gave me a 30 day notice to say he was moving out. I got… my lower back went out, I got gout in my left foot; like all of this stuff happened like in a 7 day period.
J: Oh.
M: I had just come off of Adderall and it was just completely disorienting. And the ironic thing was I was doing Kundalini Yoga, this was… gosh, I think like 10-15 years ago; I don’t remember exactly how long ago it was. But I was doing Kundalini Yoga for abundance, like I was praying for abundance.
J: Oh no!
M: And all this stuff was like wrong and I was like, “This is broken. This that doesn't work.”
J: (Laughs). Oh no!
M: And I thought to myself like, “I'm not dumb enough or smart enough to do this to myself, something else has to be a thing right now.” (Laughs)
J: Mm-hmm.
M: You know?
J: Yeah, right. So, I mean, gosh you're… what did you? I mean, you have no roommate, did you lose your apartment?
M: Yes. So I had a choice at that moment. I said I could either, you know, go back to a corporate job in the music business, which would have been very easy for me to do, or I could start my own business, and I just wanted to write stuff online, do inspirational stuff. And so I decided that I wanted to, you know, go behind door number 2 and I'd rather, you know, have my laptop and be out on Venice Beach in a box than go back to a corporate job ever again.
J: Mm-hmm.
M: And so I did what any practical sort of millennial would do and I moved back here with my ex-girlfriends parents.
[Laughter]
J: Oh my…
M: This was altogether extremely embarrassing.
J: (Laughs)
M: I was there for about a year and I started an Internet company in a pool house that was so far away from the house that there was no internet there, so I had to like… I was too embarrassed to go in the house. So I would go down the street and find different houses that had, you know, no passwords on their Wi-Fi or go to a coffee been or something.
J: (Laughs)
M: And that's where I started, you know? (Laughs)
J: So what was the name of your business?
M: The blog was called The Daily Love…
J: Oh, the blog.
M: … and it was a sort of like a mind and body green today. Like I started just a little bit before Jason and there was a curator of personal development voices on that website. And it was a lot of fun and grew pretty successful pretty quickly, and then I kind of killed it about 2 and a half years ago because I got really crystal clear that, you know, doing this Functional Life Coaching is what I want to be doing; and so I had to kind of have another rebirth through that process. But it, you know, became fairly successful for a period of time and it was very hard to kill a successful thing, but it had to happen. And, slowly but surely, that thing picked up and, you know, consistency is name the of the game online. You can publish and if you publish consistently, then people will, you know, create a relationship and that's how you, you know, do what we do online today. So that's kind of how I got started and I met really amazing people who were, you know, sort of my peer group and became friends and we started doing stuff and learned more about the business side. And, you know, I have applied all of that into what I'm doing today, and it's been, you know, sort of metamorphosis since The Day Love into… into this coaching and into the stuff I'm doing now, but it's been a lot of fun to kind of figure that out and kind of carve out, you know, my own little section of like “Hey, this is what I do and this is how it's different and unique,” which is cool.
J: So what's Functional Life Coaching since you created that?
M: Sure. So, you know, I come from a scientific background in that, you know, my father is a PhD in biology and my mother has a master's degree in the topic. So I was raised with a scientific method all the time, learning about quantum physics, learning about ecosystems, learning about how things are built and how things work; and the scientific method which is, if you have a hypothesis, you test it and you try to prove a theory. And typically, people… scientists run experiments to prove hypotheses wrong because if you can prove a hypothesis is wrong on a theory, and science is looking for facts; so I've always had that mindset. So when I got into my own personal development crisis, you know, I went everywhere trying to find the solution; whether it was yoga, prescription medication, changing my diet. And there's so many different ways you could change your diet; vegan, vegetarian, gluten free, paleo, ketogenic, alkaline, like you name it. You know, trying different life coaches, yoga practices, mantras, mudras, you know, medicinal drugs; so many different things. You know, seeing holy people, going to Bali and meeting all these, you know, sacred monks; I mean, so many different things I've tried to do. And time and time again, there would be times when I just felt like I was getting stuck and I saw my clients getting stuck and I kept asking, “Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?” and I start getting down to, what I call, sort of like the root cause of why we're stuck, which is a mental or emotional block. And I start to realize like, “Oh my god, like most of the personal development work that's out there…” you know, if you look at like, you know, just only 10 or 20 years ago, like my book would be in the occult section; so it's so relatively new.
J: (Laughs)
M: But it's basically helped people cope better, but we haven't gotten to a place yet where, you know, we can dissolve or resolve things quickly. And I said… sort of said like, “Why not?” So over the last 10 years, I've been doing coaching and retreats and different programs with, gosh, thousands of people and just seen pattern after pattern after pattern and a lot of study, a lot of direct results that we've seen and take… applied that sort of scientific method to the process. And ultimately, what Functional Life Coaching is, is that it helps people not just, you know, have a coping mechanism because, you know, you could use heroin as a coping mechanism or your yoga practice, because if you don't resolve the underlying issue, then you're not going to be fulfilled and you're still going to carry around your past with you.
J: Mmm.
M: So I got really (unclear) [13:57] like, “How do you let that go at an emotional level? And how do you override, you know, trauma experientially and how do you see it from a different perspective and harvest the good?” And so that's really what the process is. And along the way, kind of put together that “Hey, like this is actually how you find your purpose too.” So it was kind of like…
J: Hmm.
M: Like a happy accident, essentially. So… but it was… I took a very systems approach to it. And I have 2 parts of my mind; one is very scientific and then one is like super woo-woo. (Laughs)
J: Yeah! I love science and woo-woo. (Laughs)
M: So I try to really combine those 2 things as much as possible.
J: Yeah.
M: And so that's the ‘Claim Your Power’ process is. So this is not something I just like made up in a weekend, like this has been tested over a decade with thousands of our clients. And so the purpose of writing the book, ‘Claim Your Power’, was to say “Hey, like I've been doing this in high-end programs and these coaching programs and retreats in Bali and Mali and all over the place, and I really think that this would actually be a great companion for any transformational journey to get to the root cause so that any therapist or any, you know, personal 12-step program or anyone who's going through a process of transformation, take ‘Claim Your Power’ and use it to sort of supplement your journey and help you. If you're not quite getting the results that you want and you're wondering why you're stuck and you're doing the mantras and the visioning and all that type of stuff and it's not quite clicking, ‘Claim Your Power’ will help you figure out why.” So that's kind of the name of the game is that, I don't want people to cope anymore, I want people dissolve this stuff and get about the business of doing what they were born to do.
J: So we all have stuff, of course. So tell us a little bit about how ‘Claim Your Power’ would walk us through that.
M: Sure. I mean, at a broad level, the book is designed to help you make your nervous system your ally instead of your enemy. (Laughs)
J: Ooh! I want that. (Laughs)
M: Yeah. That's like the broad-strokes because when you're thinking about anything you want to create in your life, whether it's business success, romantic success, financial success, children, whatever… whatever someone wants to create, losing weight, there is actually, you know, this internal conflict that we have and we take 2 steps forward and 2 steps back and there's all kinds of these weird like thermostatic set points within the body. And, you know, for example, losing weight’s not just calories in, calories out, like your hormones, namely cortisol and insulin, really determine whether you release weight or not. So if you're not addressing that issue, you're going to do all this work and never lose the weight; it's like a thermostat. And so the same thing is true, you know, in our nervous system is that we have a sort of a thermostat of how much success or failure we can tolerate, and we kind of stay within that bounds. And what we have to realize is that like “Hey, like I can actually not see success as a threat,” and I can start to realize that, “You know what? Oh my goodness, it’s actually costing me more to stay stuck than it is to move forward. And actually, oh my gosh, all the things I've done to stay stuck are actually for a good reason,” so the procrastination, the playing small, the not speaking up, the… you know, making putting yourself last and not following your intuition, the addiction, the distraction with all the digital stuff that's happening today, like the indecision. Like, all of that actually comes from a really good place which is your nervous system wants to keep you safe and you learned early on that that behavior will keep you alive. But you come to a point where you want more and so what you have to do is kind of understand, “Where do these thoughts, feelings, emotions, stories, and beliefs come from? And did I really make up the best interpretation of the event that this originated from? Is there a better interpretation that I could have on this event? Did I forget anything? Am I seeing it holistically?” and, you know, “Can I actually get to a place where I can tap into my negative emotions and realize they're not going to kill me and realize it's just like pain?”
You know, if I was walking down the street and, you know, I stepped on a nail, my foot would hurt; and anyone's foot would hurt. And so, you know, what you don't want to do is just numb it with a bunch of painkillers and pretend it's not there; which is what we tend to do with our negative emotions, is we stuff it down in many different ways. And it can look spiritual, it can look not spiritual, you know, but I think stuffing emotions or stuffing emotions, whether you do it with, you know, pizza on a Friday night, you know, watching stuff online, you know, getting mad at somebody, blaming somebody, drama in a relationship, there's so many ways to stuff your feelings, blaming other people, and when you stuff your feelings down, you don't get in touch with them, and if you don't get in touch with them you can never learn why they're there. And so typically, if you were to hurt yourself like with a nail in your foot, you would stop what you're doing, you would probably take off your shoe…
J: Yeah.
M: … and analyze the wound. You’d clean the wound out, you'd apply the medicine, take care of it for a period of time, and then guess what? You'd let it go. You wouldn't dwell, on the fact that 10 years ago or 30 freaking years ago, you stepped on a nail! Because it's over, right?
J: (Laughs). Right, right, right.
M: But if you didn’t do the work and now your foot has gangrene and it’s 30 years later, you got to go take care of it, you know, the… so the numbing agents aren't working anymore. And so there's just another level that's emerging and I think that, you know, the ‘Claim Your Power’ process and Functional Life Coaching it's really about accelerating those results, it doesn't have to take ten years in therapy and love therapy, but it's one modality and a sort of cornucopia of different options of how you can move forward; certainly necessary, but it's not a complete system. So ‘Claim Your Power’s a systems approach to creating really accelerated results by kind of the process I've just described. And it's a 40-day process.
J: Ooh.
M: And it's experiential. It's not information, it's an implementation system. It's not a… I’m going to sit there and tell you a bunch of, you know, spiritual words that mean nothing to you that sound nice, like it's a very practical process.
J: Oh, so if our listeners bought the book, ‘Claim Your Power’, they could plan in 40 days to have worked through some of their past emotional issues?
M: Oh, yeah. I mean, I can do this like in person in like probably… I mean, I could do it in one conversation with one person, but typically, minimum 4 days, get a different perspective and emotional experience on some of the deepest stuff. So over the 40 days, absolutely; especially because, you know, I think there's so much information out there today. So the book and the accompanying sort of there's a free course that goes with it, is all designed for implementation system, not just an information system because, you know, you don't want to just read this book for more information, you want to actually take action on it. So that's what the book is designed to do, as well as the complementary course to get you into motion, so you're not just doing what I call spiritual entertainment, where you're, you know, reading something or listening to something, but you're not taking action on it because you can be addicted to ‘aha moments’ too, for sure. (Laughs)
J: Yeah, that’s true. Ooh!
M: You know, so we want… we want to get you out of ‘aha moment addiction’ into an ‘aha life’, you know?
J: Yeah, “Make your nervous system your ally instead of your enemy.” What does that feel like when your nervous system is on board and you decide you want to do something?
M: Terrifying, the whole time it's terrifying, but you give it a different meaning. So like, God bless psychiatrists and psychologists, like God bless them, right? But like they give things the worst names, right?
J: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
M: And I think the worst things you could call any energy in your body is a panic attack.
J: (Laughs)
M: That’s the worst thing you could call it! Like, why don't you call it an energy surge?
J: Ah!
M: Like, the meaning that we give the sensations of our body is very important. So if I call something a panic attack, well, I'm just going to make it mean I'm panicking, which means there's something… must be something wrong with me, versus, “You know what? Like this is an energy surge and I can do something with this.” And so, you know, I think that ultimately, you know, the most important things that it takes to kind of get into, you know, a nervous system response is to take what I call CIA, which is Courageous Imperfect Action. So Courageous, meaning you're terrified. (Laughs)
J: Mm-hmm.
M: Imperfect, meaning you're doing it messy and it feels like you're messing everything up. And Action, meaning you're actually doing it, versus just talking about it. So if you're scared and it's messy but you're moving forward, then you start to, you know, slowly, but surely realize like, “You know what? Like, I can handle this.” And then, all of a sudden, you live in a state of exhilaration because ultimately, the only difference between anxiety and excitement, they both are rooted in fear, but anxiety is fear with negative anticipation and excitement is fear with positive anticipation. So if we can start to take risks with positive anticipation, all of a sudden, we have a completely different neurological association to the uncertainty of our life, and ultimately, that's the name of the game; that's why our construct of God exists or why, you know, we have governments and institutions is the prove certainty. But ultimately, the certainty that you want is going to be within your own self, and that's something that you have to earn through a period of time of applying Courageous Imperfect Action into whatever area of your life you want to expand.
J: Oh, that's huge. So tons of our listeners are a perfectionist and that paralyzes them, so they can't take any action. So, everyone listening, go do a crappy job, just do something (Laughs). You know, I love that.
M: Yeah. We have a lot of perfectionists in our world. And I think perfectionism is the fear of high… perfectionism is a high standard that you think you have, but it’s just really the fear failure disguised as a high standard.
J: Mm-hmm.
M: Because if you're not creating something and putting out there, then it doesn't exist; and it can't be perfect because it doesn't exist. So it's actually a really low standard when you try to do something perfectly, and ultimately, you know, you can't let yourself learn and grow. If you look at any entrepreneurial mindset or anyone who is, you know, making progress, you know, you just don't know things in the beginning and you can't know what you don't know before you get started. So it’s sort of an impossible mindset. You know, the education system that most of us were brought up in, you know, we've studied and then we took the test; but life, you take the test and then you study. (Laughs)
J: Yeah, right, exactly.
M: (Laughs)
J: Well, so you said in ‘Claim Your Power’ they not only can learn how to make their nervous system their allies, whoever is reading, but how does it help with the discovering your purpose process? Because…
M: Sure.
J: … so many people say…well, especially moms, they'll say, “I've spent so much time with my kids, I don't even know what I like anymore.”
M: Sure, yeah.
J: And so it seems hopeless; yeah, speak a little to that.
M: Yeah, I get that.
J: Mm-hmm.
M: Well, so like I think one of the reasons why this miraculous moment of me being on this podcast and as a man happened is because 97% of our clients are women. So I work a lot with women, and it's very strange actually to be a 35 year old man working with women because it's like… it's almost like, “Who am I to tell you?”
J: Mm-hmm.
M: But because I have such a large data set, like I know a thing or 2. So it's going to be weird maybe hearing it for me because I'm a guy and I'm 6’4’’, I'm a tall white guy.
J: (Laughs)
M: You know what I mean? So it's like…
J: Yeah.
M: And I wear all black. So I'm the most unlikely deliverer of this message on a certain sense. But, you know, with… we've reached millions of women, like the data is very crystal clear. So ultimately, your purpose… I have to give a little context. Purpose is something that's very important because the most important thing you'll do in your life is discover your purpose and then bring it to life; it's the most important thing, it’s why you're here. And ultimately, we don't have a common definition of purpose. I'll speak to the audience of thousands of people and I'll ask people, “What's your definition of purpose?” I'll get many different answers, “It's contributing something larger than myself. It's my calling. It's adding value. It's, you know, doing my passion. It's when I come most alive.” But there's all these sort of vague aspirational answers that I get that really don't give us any real collective information. Like, if I said “Hey, Jen, what's the sun?” like, you I would both know what that is.
J: Mm-hmm.
M: Very crystal clearly.
J: Mm-hmm.
M: And in science, everyone has the same definitions of words so that we can be crystal clear about our meanings. So the definition of purpose that I give is based on the idea that, you know, we set goals. Like, anything you want to achieve in life, whether it's have a child, you know, get into a relationship, lose the weight, start a business, like whatever it is that you want to do, earn more money, is you do it because you're going for the underlying emotional target. So, “I want to lose weight so that I feel vital in my body or I feel sexy or I feel self-respect,” or, “I want be in a relationship so I can experience romance,” or, “I want to, you know, have more money so I can experience freedom.” So we have to realize that the goals that we set on a physical level are actually really emotional goals on a sort of visible level. So if we can start to realize that like, “You know what? I'm actually trying to get an emotional target, not a physical thing,” because the physical thing will lose its meaning or its value very quickly. I mean, how fast, when you were a kid, did you get your Christmas present and then… or, you know, holiday present and then like forget about it, right? Like, the satiation factor is very quick. So if you can start to realize that there… you're trying to hit an emotional target, then you have to ask yourself a question, “Where do I get my emotional needs met?” And typically, most people, and especially women (because that's who I work with primarily), look externally for that. And I think of it as being emotionally in debt. So what does that mean? Like what does financial debt mean? Like when you're here on… you know, you've all taken something from… you’ve lend money from somebody and you're on the hook to pay them back, it's kind of what financial debt is. Emotional debt is no different. So you look externally for your frame of reference and you say, “Okay, based on my partner, then I can determine how I feel,” or, “Based on how my children are doing will determine how I feel; how my family's doing.”
J: Oh yeah.
M: “How my job is doing.” And all of that will determine… so I've lend… I have all these lenders in my life that say, “You know what? If my husband gives me that facial expression, then that means I can't feel this way. If my children aren't happy, it means this.” And so it's, all of a sudden, you're on the line and all of these things externally have your power. And, you know, women have a different brain wiring than men. Women have… are wired for diffused awareness, which means you guys take in everything from everywhere!
J: (Laughs)
M: You're aware of it all!
J: Right.
M: Like, you know, like it's crazy like… like… like if I'm downstairs, I don't feel upstairs, but Jenna feels like the one sock that's out of place in our bedroom; like, so she like feels it all. And it's just… that's not sexism, that's just, if you read ‘The Female Brain’ by Louann Brizendine, and ‘The Male Brain’, it's just a physiological anatomical difference. Men are wired for single focus; that's how the brain is wired. So the idea becomes, if you're taking in all of this information that's all around you and you think that the external world will give you hints on how you should feel, well, then all of a sudden, you're just super aware of all the ways in which you're not basically measuring up essentially. (Laughs)
J: Uh-huh, yeah.
M: And really, really hard, you know? So, I mean… because, you know, we… the famous sort of survival response is fight-or-flight; like, we've all heard that. But the other one that's mostly a female quality because it's evolved as a female trait (but men do this too) is mend and attend. The idea is, if I can't run from it and I can't kill it, maybe if I take care of it I'll live.
J: (Laughs)
M: And so this is why you see a lot of women… you know, I get women anywhere from 35 to 55 primarily who in some level like, “You know what? I gave all my stuff to you! I'm done! it's my time!”
[Laughter]
J: Yes.
M: They hit this like emotional threshold where they're just in so much pain from giving so much that they have to go, “Hold on a second, who am I? It’s kind of what you were saying, right? So, then you have to ask yourself, “Well, how do I create emotional wealth?” And you need to realize that the frame of reference for your power of where your emotions come from is internally, primarily through how you interpret the events of your life. And then you start to realize, “Oh my goodness, I've been consuming emotions from the world. I need to start generating the emotion that I want. (Gasps) everything I've learned about how to survive is wrong.”
J: (Laughs)
M: “Like, I need to get rid of this jerk.” (Laughs)
J: Yeah.
M: “I need to not… I need to tell my child no. You know, I need to publish on Facebook and let my face be seen, even if my makeup isn't perfect.” Like, there's so many things that like you have to sort of unlearn on a nervous system level, which is why the repetition of doing the things you're afraid of is what would get you there. So to understand all of that gives context my definition of purpose, which is very basic and very simple, but don't give you simple and easy because they're 2 totally different things. So ultimately your purpose is an emotion that you cultivate within yourself and then you share with the world in the form of service. So it's an internal job and you're like a power plant where you generate it and then you share it with the world. So if you are someone who's supposed to generate an motion and you're thinking your kids, your job, your family, your friends, everybody else is going to be the source of that, if those things disappear, if you get into an embarrassment, if your kids become teenagers… (Laughs)
J: Yeah, right.
M: You know, like there's so many things that can happen that will, you know, put you sort of out very quickly. And so the big lesson is to realize, “I have to mend and attend myself. I have to learn to choose myself,” and that's going to feel really selfish at first if you're not used to it. It's going to require you that you speak up. And the thing about it is, you know, I feel like I got it easy. I'm an almost 6’5” white guy from Kansas.
J: Mm-hmm.
M: Like, I'm loud; like I have no problem speaking up, right?
J: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
M: But what I've learned with a lot of my women clients is that like speaking up is like a really, really, really hard thing to do because, I mean, I'm imagining what it would be like if for thousands of years, you know, you're a part of a gender who's not physically as strong and the other people are running it and they’re very violent. Like, I can't even imagine what that would feel like. And so like what's happening with the whole women's suffrage movement is that women have become financially empowered, which is super important and very, very necessary for the evolution of our species. However, the next level beyond financial empowerment is emotional and spiritual empowerment. And so that means that, not only do women need to start businesses and run companies, which I'm all for, (most people who are in my company that do stuff are women) they need to start speaking up and ultimately realize that like, “That intuition, your voice, all that matters, it's not going to kill you.” And actually, you know what? The feminine intuitive power is like a 1000, 10,000, 100,000 times stronger than, you know, sort of the masculine or male sort of just like logical mind; runs circles around it. But it hasn't been rewarded over the last basically history of mankind because women… you know, trauma is passed down in the genes; we know this through epigenetics. So what's happening and what I'm so excited be a part of is kind of almost assuring in a whole new era of feminine empowerment where it's like “Hey, you know, we're voting.” We basically had more people vote for a woman for president than not, so we can just sort of say that like that's something that's in the majority.
J: Mm-hmm.
M: Even though that's not what happened. And we're crushing it financially. However, the next level is emotional freedom. The next level is, we have to take it to level of fulfillment because women who act like men are not going to be fulfilled because you're a different creature; you're more powerful. You're lowering your standards if you think that being like us… you know, you’re sort of participating in that sort of ‘It's a man’s world’ mindset. Let me tell you something. I've lived in a man's world and I'm tell you something right now, most of us make really dumb choices.
J: (Laughs)
M: And usually, women, because you just have a different wiring, you have a different rapport with your intuition, you have a different level of wisdom, different way… a different nervous system wiring, you have much more oxytocin in your bodies than we do, like you guys, women are wired for connection and for empathy and for intuition. If you look at the work of the researcher Dr. Brené Brown out of Houston with a lot of her work around vulnerability, feminine leadership is actually stronger than masculine leadership. It's not just matriarchal, the patriarchy and the matriarchy have to work together, but we're way, way, way off today with how things are in sort of a masculine patriarchal world. So, for women, it means you have to start almost feeling like you're violating all the rules that you grew up following, which is like seems insane, and it seems also so obvious when we talked about it. So when you think about something like children, right, this is the context of like, well, forever, up until basically this generation of women, you know, that's what the expectation of women was; to raise children. Well, you know what? Like guess what? Today, you can do whatever you want. So you're going to have to betray that pattern to follow your purpose. And it's going to feel like a betrayal, but ultimately, it's the best thing you could do for your kids because you'll set the example for them instead of telling them to, “Do as I say, not as I do.” And when I say that to our women clients, oh my good lord, they totally get it because they start to realize, “You know what? Living my purpose is how I provide for my family. Living my purpose is how I create abundance. And most importantly, living my purpose is how I inspire my children to live their life.” And so, you know, we want to sort of lead by example, not through just, you know, sort of dictating the rules of, “Do as I say, not as I do,” because kids pay attention to what you… I mean, you know, far more than I that they pay attention to what you do far greater than what you say. (Laughs)
J: Yes, yes, exactly. And I teach that same thing. I always say that the greatest gift you can give family is your own happiness, then they're going to learn and see how you're doing it.
M: That’s right.
J: But, you know, the biggest excuse that comes back again and again is the guilt. What do you say to women who just can't let go of the idea that they have to mend everyone else before mending themselves first?
M: Well, it depends on the level of willingness. If someone's unwilling to change the pattern, I say, “I'll see you in ten years right.” (Laughs)
J: Right, right, right.
M: Because I have no interest in working people who are not ready to change. Now, if they're ready to change, then that's a different story. If they're ready to change, what I would say is, I would say, “Listen, this is an ancient pattern. This is… I don't even know how long this pattern has been around; thousands and thousands of years. And, you know, the guilt, I get it, I feel it, I understand it, it's in the nervous system. But ultimately, that guilt serves nobody. And guilt…” it's really not even guilt, it's really shame. Because shame… guilt says, “I've done something wrong,” shame says, “Because I did that wrong thing, something's wrong with me.” And the goal is to realize that there's absolutely nothing wrong with making the decision to choose yourself. In fact, it's the necessary leap that has to be made to make sure that we teach the next generation of women what, not just financial empowerment looks like, but what's true emotional empowerment looks like. It's really the reclamation of the feminine; not just female the gender, but the feminine principles. So it's a… it's a big leap and it's something that your mother probably didn't do and your grandmother probably didn't do. And, gosh, probably your grandmother and your great grandmother, the reasons why they got married is for either because of financial reasons or significance in the community. They did not get married for love. They certainly didn't have the opportunity to step into something so awesome like your purpose. So the idea also is like the modern woman is living the life that like the suffragettes fought for; like, it's here, it's now.
J: Mm-hmm.
M: So let's not let patterns from the past stop the natural evolutionary process of women stepping into something larger. And actually I think a much, much more significant leadership role, if not the most important leadership role, which is not just being a parent, but like being business leaders, being philosophers, being thought leaders, like, you know, helping us, you know, innovate in different levels. Like, there's so much that comes… like, when I get a group of women together and they get past sort of like the initial, “Is this going to be a group of mean women?” Because that's kind of a… I didn't know that, but like the mean girl thing is like a real archetype.
J: (Laughs)
M: When they get beyond that and I realize “Hey, this is a safe room,” oh my god, the level of love and support and cherishing and nurturing and giving that's in that room is so incredible. And it's like if we can amplify that and grow it, like you'll be a part of the solution. So that guilt, it's like an echo of the past and it really doesn't serve you, other than to prevent you from moving forward, which is, you know, you guys kind of call BS on it, get that support, be around other people who are producing that result. And, you know, the ‘Claim Your Power’ process can help you understand where it came from, why you have it and how to let it go. But just know that it's a… you know, there's really ultimately no purpose to guilt other than, if you actually did something wrong, you should feel guilty for a period of time. But typically, you know, deciding to put yourself first is not something you should feel guilty for; at least in the long run.
J: So you mentioned financial empowerment is the first level. Well, what if someone's listening to her intuition and she still feels, “You know what? I want to be a stay-at-home mom. I don't want to work outside of the home,” how does that process apply for her?
M: So there's a big difference between having to stay at home and choosing to stay at home. (Laughs)
J: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
M: Right? So it's all about choice. I have lots of clients who just want to be a mom, and that's totally fine. In fact, it's super significant because raising children it's not like… it's weird. People look at like being a mom and they say like almost like it's like not an aspirational career choice anymore; like you have to be an entrepreneur, you have to be on the women's Forbes 500 list or whatever. But like I think raising children is probably one of the most significant things in the world. I don't care how your purpose manifests in the outside world, what I care about is that, whatever you're doing with your life, it brings your emotional wealth and you’re lit up by it. So if you would be a janitor, if you want to be the President of the United States, if you want to be the CEO of a company, if you want to be a mom, if you want to be… you know, if you want to be with a woman, a man, I don't care. What I care is like, “Well, what's the emotional content that you're experiencing? What's getting in the way of that? And let's own what you really want and then bring that to life.” And I also think that, you know, for any woman who maybe is feeling… thinking like they want to be a mom, but they're not giving themselves permission, like girl, just own that because that's really, really important and there's nothing insignificant about that at all.
J: Love it; I love it. That is like the best quote you said, “Whatever you're doing with your life, it just needs to bring your emotional wealth and you’re lit up by it.” I don't… I didn’t quite re-quote that properly, but I love that.
[Laughter]
M: Awesome.
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(Interview resumes) [40:10]
J: Well, so we always ask a number of questions, but I mean, obviously your lit up by your book, ‘Claim Your Power’, but what else is exciting you in your life today?
M: Let's see. In my life or like in the world?
J: Yeah, both! Yeah.
M: Well, I think, in my life, I've kind of like decided like on my next book which I'm excited about. And it's not because of the book, it's because of what it represents. It's going to be the book about what I've learned about health because I got a pre-diabetes diagnosis a couple years ago in one of my health journeys.
J: Mm-hmm.
M: And I didn’t always sort of like had like… I haven't had body confidence. I've sort of not talked about that stuff.
J: (Laughs)
M: So I'm excited about just being able to kind of like have that conversation. And, you know, I was always the kid that would like never take your shirt off at the beach or whatever and I was always like super aware of how I looked at the pool and stuff like that. So I'm excited to just like having more honest conversation about what I've learned in health and well-being and to, you know, talk about my body and some of that stuff because it's something I've been very insecure about up until recently. So that is really exciting.
J: So you just finished ‘Claim Your Power’, is that right? When's it coming out?
M: September 12th!
J: September 12th, okay. You're already writing your next book. How many books have you written?
M: I've had 2 books so far and this will be my third. I actually have my next 2 sort of planned out, which is cool.
J: Nice, nice.
M: But, yeah, I love writing; it's cathartic and fun and it's exciting to put stuff together. And, you know, I love helping people do stuff faster. So anything I can do to maybe help people be more efficient is great and it's a great medium. It's nothing like getting… I probably listen to 2 or 3 books a week so I love the medium.
J: Great, great. Well, is there anything in your life you're kind of currently struggling with? You kind of worked out the health thing and you're going to share that book on body image, but anything else you're kind of working through?
M: Personally, I'm working through how political I want to be. (Laughs)
J: Oh my gosh, I don’t know, are we going to go here? (Laughs)
M: Because I’m like super political. And what I’m personally working through is sort of reconciling what I know about conflict resolution and what I'm observing in the political and sort of like… not just political, like the moral fabric of our country. I'm having a hard time reconciling those 2 things right now because, you know, I think that, in any conflict, you have to see why the other person believes what they believe. And I just feel like we don't even give ourselves that ability anymore today; it's just, “Both sides are wrong.” So I'm going to figure out a way to talk about it that adds value and doesn't just stir the pot. But that's something that I'm definitely struggling with right… struggling with right now because I think that, you know, not saying stuff is not the right thing, but also saying stuff that just adds to the… adds fuel to the fire is not the right way to do it either.
J: Mmm.
M: But I do think it's important because, you know, ultimately, Republican, Democrat, left, right, you know, red, blue, gray, purple, whatever, you know, at the end of the day, we all, you know, are human beings who are scared that, if we make a change, that our survival will be threatened. And the idea that's trying to come through right now is that everybody, regardless of any of your circumstances, has intrinsic value and inherent worth. And so that's a really important thing that has to happen for, I think, evolution. But I also think that when someone's scared to change, even if it manifests in violence, you have to at least be able to be willing to see and understand why someone feels the way that they feel without making it mean that you're some type of sympathizer. And so that's something that I've been thinking about and thinking through.
J: I hope you're going to write a book on that, please, I beg you. (Laughs)
M: Okay, (unclear) [43:22].
J: (Laughs)
M: Yeah, I haven’t had the idea fully formed but, you know, like in any argument, I mean, but let's take it from macro to like micro, right? Like, “He won't take out the trash.”
[Laughter]
J: Yeah
M: Right?
J: Right.
M: So like in an argument in a relationship, like both people have what feels like a valid argument. And I think that we have to learn how to listen to each other without meaning with the ‘fix, change or do something’, and realize that, when we listen to somebody else, it’s not going to threaten our survival. And I think that, you know, ultimately if you can feel heard and validated, tensions drop, you know?
J: Yes.
M: Because behavior and relationship, you know, how happy are you to take out the trash? “Sweetie, I will take out the trash for you!” you know, like you're like jumping around.
J: Yeah, yeah.
M: Like, you're being all happy. And then, you know, you kind of hit that point where like you have to do the work and see if you guys can differentiate and eventually kind of be interdependent. You know, before you get to that, there's usually a lot of fights and arguments and, you know, “I'm not taking up a trash!” and you have a different association with that very same thing because you're not feeling seen and heard. So, you know, it's more about communication than it is about morals because I think morality has nothing to do with it. I think just people are not feeling heard and because of that, they're feeling threatened. So… and when people are threatened, people do dumb things. (Laughs)
J: Right.
M: You know, they… you know?
J: I hope you figure out the formula; that will be beautiful. Okay, well, we always talk about favorite things on the show and let's start with some of your favorite aspects of your morning routine.
M: Sure. Well, first of all, my favorite part of my morning routine is making sure that my nighttime routine is solid; because without a solid night routine, my morning routine is not going to work.
J: Okay.
M: So that includes like making sure that like I'm like wearing blockers, not getting blue light in so that I can turn on my circadian rhythm and actually start to activate my body's melatonin and actually fall asleep and not be wired a lot. But I love waking up. I love waking up at like 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning when no one's up and, you know, taking some type of Epsom salt bath, then doing some cardio, then doing some meditation, and then getting in the gym and like getting to my body. Like, it's a really fun process because no one's up and it's just a really great time to do some really amazing thinking. It's probably my favorite thing because, you know, I believe in a lot of the parasympathetic activities of yoga, acupuncture, massage and stretching and stuff like that, but I’m also very much into, you know, weight training and some of the more intense things as well. So the combination of those 2 things in the morning is really awesome.
J: Do you find your productivity is affected by your morning routine?
M: Oh yeah. I mean, I'm definitely a creature of habit. Like, if I don't have structure, like I'm worthless. (Laughs)
J: Yeah, right, right.
M: Just worthless.
J: (Laughs)
M: So, yeah, I mean, like I do everything I can to make sure that my routine is on point. But, you know, that doesn't always work, especially when I travel so much and change time zones, but I do my best to protect it. I think it's really important how you start your day.
J: Yeah. And I have to ask this. Women want routines and then they have babies that need to be fed, what do you say to women who are breastfeeding and are craving a routine? What's the next best thing?
M: Well, I think what I believe is that success leaves clues. Like, I learned that from my mentor Tony Robbins. And so what I would do is I would find like, “Who is someone who has a morning routine, who has a child, and who gets sleep, who breastfeeds?” because there's lots of different ways that you can learn to communicate and do things that work. So I would go find like the best coach or the person who's had the most success with this and then model it and learn from the road ahead. I also think that the early days of, you know, bonding with your child are like super, super important. So if you can include your child in your morning routine, that would be important. And I also think there's a big one; asking for help.
J: Yes.
M: I think, you know, you don't have to do it by yourself, asking for help is okay; it's necessary, it's important. And it doesn't make you weak, it makes you stronger. Because, you know, this idea… like the thing is, when you're over-give and you don't ask for help, you're conveniently not moving forward. So the thing is, if you ask for help, your nervous system knows you have more free time; if you have more free time, you may actually have time to do things that matter most to you, which would move you forward into uncertainty. So it's also knowing that, “You know what? Like, hey, you know, asking for help is okay, because ultimately, I'll be able to take better care of myself, and the more self-care I can have, the better I'll show up as a parent too.
J: Love that; that's such good advice. And what's your favorite book, Mastin?
M: Oh gosh! Ah, this question. It's so hard to answer that question so I'll just say what my favorite book right now is; how about that?
J: Yeah.
M: Because there's so many good ones. I think probably my favorite book right now is a book called ‘Head Strong’ by Dave Asprey and it is essential reading because he talks a lot about environmental toxins like mold and how like this normal stuff in our everyday life is like completely depleting our energy; really, really important book with a lot of research…
J: Hmm.
M: … about how just mostly everything in your life is depleting your energy (Laughs); like everything.
J: Ah! Okay, so what do we go live in the mountains or..? (Laughs)
M: No, no! He has… you know, Dave Asprey's the founder of Bulletproof Coffee…
J: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
M: … and 40 years of Zen research, a good buddy of mine, and he's the kind of the guy who brought bio hacking to the forefront. And he has all this research on like stuff you can do to kind of like, you know, set yourself up to win. But I think if I were doing anything, I would go get him mold test for my house and see if my… If I have any mold in my house and I'll go get a heavy-metal test and see if I have any heavy metals in my body, and get a mold test for my… for in your body and just kind of see because, you know, people are always worried about gluten and stuff like that, but mold is like the worst of the worst of the worst. So that book, I've been going through that book about 3 or 4 times lately because it's so good.
J: There's probably something to that because our family just spent a week in a cabin with no Wi-Fi and now we're back and I'm so tired; so much more tired and I can't figure out why. And then I thought this morning, “You know, it doesn't help that everybody's charging their devices in our bedroom.” (Laughs)
M: No. Oh my god, yes. I mean, like the EMF… so like just quick like thing on that, like the EMFs are really bad. But not just that, like the screens that we stare at like emit all this blue light and it shuts off your circadian rhythm, and so like you can't go to sleep; like all the fluorescent lighting, all that stuff. So, you know, you got to have like some serious boundaries with your tech for sure; and we definitely charge all of our stuff out of the bedroom.
J: Yes, okay, I'll make a change. Thanks for the reminder.
[Laughter]
J: Well, I'll remind our listeners that they can find links to your book and everything we've been talking about, and your blog, on our show notes page at jenriday.com/83. And now, Mastin, the question of the day, I could be funny and say, “What does it mean to be a vibrant and happy woman?” but I want to ask you, for you, what does it look like to be a vibrant and happy person? And you can answer it across genders or however you want to do that.
M: Sure. Actually, I'm going to… if I may, I'm actually going to say what I think it means to be a vibrant happy man.
J: Okay.
M: And I'm going to take the perspective of a heterosexual man, but it could be a masculine presence, and so masculine is just an energy; doesn't necessarily have to be gender.
J: Okay.
M: But I would just say that I think a vibrant happy masculine person is someone who creates safe spaces for feminine creatures; for feminine beings to be able… and who's mature enough to be able to hold space and to listen. I think that's a really, really important thing that is necessary today because I think a lot of guys, we fold very quickly. And, you know, one of my passions is teaching guys how to realize that like masculinity is not some macho thing, but it's actually a really cool, calm presence; it's unwavering, it doesn't move. So, to me, I think that's what being a vibrant happy masculine man is really all about is being a safe landing space.
J: You just made every woman listening want to, you know, get to know you. But anyway, I know you…
M: (Laughs)
J: I know you have… you said her name is Jenna. (Laughs)
M: Yeah, I am… I am happily taken.
[Laughter]
J: Well, so curious, you know, just go a little deeper there because, you know, someone's probably crying out there; that was just so touching, I thought. But what does it mean to create a safe space? How is it done? My husband would have no clue what that even means because he's a scientist. (Laughs)
M: Yeah, yeah. I mean, gosh, I do a whole like 7 day retreat on this topic.
J: Really? Hmm.
M: But masculine and feminine, they’re energies, they're not genders. And everybody has masculine or feminine energy within them. And, you know, I'm a man, but I have masculine and feminine energy, and you're a woman, you have masculine and feminine energy.
J: Mm-hmm.
M: You can think of masculine energy is like a water bottle and feminine energy is like the water inside the bottle. So the water will take any shape, but the container stays the same. And so the goal, especially in when you look at like with women, (and I work with a lot of women) is that you don't got to do it by yourself, but you got to have someone strong enough and present enough to actually be a container and not fold when there's an emotional moment and take things personally and realize that, “You know what? Like feminine communication’s so different than masculine communication.” Because if I were to come up to a guy friend of mine and criticize him, it would be a challenge and I'd be saying he was not doing a good enough job and, you know, it would be a challenge to his manhood. But when a feminine person or a woman comes up and says something that's criticism, what she's really saying is, “I don't feel safe,” and it's coming out in some weird strange way that's not interpreted the same way. You know, you ask… men and women use the same language with very different meaning. You ask a masculine man, “How are you?” he says, “I'm fine,” that's all he means; “I'm fine.”
J: (Laughs)
M: But if you were to go up to your girlfriend and say “Hey, sweetheart, how are you doing?” and she says, “I'm fine,” what that means is, “Be Sherlock Holmes, ask me more questions, be interested in me because I'm not fine.” And so like we have to learn how to… men and women and masculine and feminine have very different meanings to the same words. And so, as a masculine partner, what you’ve got to learn how to do is listen to her without trying to fix it, without trying to solve it, and trying to not just understand what she's saying but why she's saying it. So if she were to say, “I had a really bad day at work,” you know, go, “Oh, honey, that's fine. Let's just be happy,” no.
J: (Laughs)
M: Like that’s like… it feels like vomit, right?
J: (Laughs)
M: So what you say it's like, “Oh, tell me more,” like 3 magical words, ‘tell me more’. And then maybe get down to like, “You know what? Like, I just messed up a presentation,” and then he's like, “Well, why is it important for the presentation?”
“Well, because I spent so much time on it.” And if you can start to understand what someone… you know, what someone's thinking and then why they're thinking it and without trying to fix it or change it, that's listening… (Laughs)
J: Yes.
M: … without taking it personal, you know? And so I think that that's all… and ultimately, I think both partners can provide that for each other, but I think, you know, be a place where you can just be however you are because, you know the feminine is happy and sad, and up and down, left and right, all different ways any given time, masculine is more just sort of, you know, one note; they're different energies. It's just like magnets, positive and negative.
J: Mm-hmm.
M: So it's not good or bad and I'm not suggesting some type of 1950s patriarchal thing, it's just energetic. So you can go study Jungian psychology if you want, learn about anima and animus, which is just masculine feminine principles, they have different energies in the body and different energies of life. So it's just about learning how to listen without taking things personally, saying, “Tell me more,” and understanding the deeper motivations about why something is important to her. I mean, you do that, it's a game-changer. Then, you might go to the next level, go get her a gift or something meaningful about what's most important to her and like you'll be like the most like rare guy in the world. (Laughs)
J: Okay, so this 7 day retreat, is it just for the man or is it for couples?
M: It’s for couples; it's for everybody.
J: And where can we learn more about that? That sounds amazing.
M: Oh gosh. Well, I actually… I don't have any schedule right now because…
J: Oh.
M: But we teach, you know, a ‘Claim You Power’ law and stuff like that. We teach masculine, feminine principles. But all that's over at mastinkipp.com and, you know, I've been toying with putting together a training on relationship content for people in business because it's very different; like go read Harville Hendrix. But if you're both doing a 9-to-5 job, it's one thing. But if one's in a business or if you're both in a business together, it's like Harville Hendrix plus business, plus differentiation, plus all the investment, plus money, plus signif… I mean, there's so much goes into it. So I've been thinking about that too, but…
J: Mmm.
M: I haven't quite put it together yet. But, you know, we teach people how to listen. (Laughs)
J: Yes.
M: It’s important. (Laughs)
J: Oh, that’s great.
M: It’s so important.
J: Well, this has been fantastic. And give us a challenge for the listeners and then tell us again where we can find you and then we'll say goodbye.
M: Alright. So challenge, got this from Marianne Williamson, I would call this a fundamental practice for anybody, but most… for women specifically, if you want to have an amazing life, it's the most fundamental practice, it's super simple, and if you do it once a day, you'll change your life; it's called ‘goddess hour’. For guys, it's called ‘hero hour’, but Marion Williamson calls it ‘goddess hour’ for women. And basically, you just get to it, you find, you know, an hour or at least 20 minutes a day where you sit down, you ask yourself a couple questions. You say, “How am I feeling?” and then, “What do I need?” Those are the only 2 questions, “How do I feel? What do I need?” and then you spend the next 20 minutes to an hour giving yourself what you need. You do that once a day, complete game changer. It sounds so simple, it is a fundamental practice like breathing. Breathing is very simple too; I breathe in and I breathe out, yet it sustains your life. So ‘goddess hour’, 20 minutes to an hour, once a day, “How do I feel? What do I need?” and then give yourself what you need; complete game changer.
J: Great advice. Well, everyone, go out and get Mastin's book, ‘Claim Your Power’, and learn how to let your nervous system become your ally and not your enemy. Well, this has been fantastic and, yeah, thank you so much for being on the show.
M: Awesome,
J: You’re like a legacy.
M: I’m so happy!
J: You’re a legacy; the first one.
M: I’m so happy.
J: (Laughs)
M: Awesome! Awesome, awesome, awesome. So happy to deliver some value today.
J: Thank you so much, it was great.
I'm so glad I made the decision to have Mastin be on the show. We have so much to learn from each other, but also from men. Now, yes, this is the Vibrant Happy Women podcast and our guests will primarily be women, but once in a while, maybe a couple times a year, if I feel like a man can give us some great value, I'm going to have them on the show; and I hope you loved it as much as I did. Be sure to grab a spot in Time Mastery for Women, my 4 week online time management program, which is closing soon. This is your chance to free up 10 to 20 hours of time each week for the things you love, for spending more time with your kids and your spouse and date night and girls night out and all those things that fill you up. You don't have to walk around feeling empty, you can shift that and Time Mastery for Women will show you how; I would love to see you inside. You can learn more at timemasteryforwomen.com. I will be back on Thursday with a happy bit, and until then, I hope you are having a phenomenal week. Take care.
Outro: Thanks for listening to the Vibrant Happy Women podcast at www.jenriday.com.